How to wreck your brain in five easy steps

People often assume that wrecking their brains will take quite a lot of effort on their part. This is not true at all, and in fact you can wreck your brain with all kinds of things you can find right around your house. Today I am going to teach you one of those methods.

Step 1: Drink a cup of coffee.
What you are doing: Ingesting delicious poison.

Step 2:
Think, well, that one just made me normal, I don’t even feel the caffeine. One more will put me where I need to be.
What you are doing: Deceiving your brain.

Step 3: Drink another cup of coffee, then another cup of coffee, then another cup of coffee, and another cup of coffee.
What you are doing: Drowning your brain in caffeine before it can realize what your mouth and stomach are doing.

Step 4: Think, wow, my brain is totally wrecked.
What you are doing: Sending yourself positive messages of reinforcement that embrace the now and nowedness of your brain-wreckedness.

Step 5: Write a blog entry about it, in the hopes that it will prove to you that your brain is really not wrecked, that it is actually working in top form, but realize no, it is really wrecked.
What you are doing: You’re not really sure at this point what you are doing, which is always an ideal state in which to present yourself to the world.

Step 6 (only for those in advanced stages of brain-wreckedness): Spend a lot of time staring at the flame in the free lotus flower candle holder that you got for free today by buying two Blue Dragon  products (coconut milk and egg noodles). Consider writing a blog entry about the candle holder. Repeat Step 4.


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6 Responses to “How to wreck your brain in five easy steps”

  1. megan Says:

    You should try coquito – it’s the Puerto Rican version of eggnog. It seems like something you would like since you like sweet and fatty things, and now it seems you like coconut, too. Coquio doesn’t use coconut milk – instead it has “cream of coconut” – basically the same thing as coconut milk, but a little more condensed. Add sweetened condensed milk, evaporated milk, cinnamon and a little too much run, and you’ve got yourself a sweet, fatty, coconuty, alcoholic beverage that will make the flame on your free candle REALLY dazzle.

  2. megan Says:

    Sorry – it seems as if my coffee intake has been a little too high today, too. I’m leaving out letters all over the place. What I meant to say was:
    “CoquiTo doesn’t use coconut milk…”
    “…a little too much ruM…”

    Even when I’m wired on caffeine, I still have to be a spelling freak…

  3. jonsquared Says:

    Step 1.5: Drink a cup of decaf coffee.
    What you are doing: Being a total wuss.

    Step 2.5: Think, wow, I’m totally wired!
    What you are doing: Deceiving yourself and giving in to placebo effect.

  4. dragonseast Says:

    I was starting on my second pot of coffee for the day when I started reading this. I have actually, literally, deceived myself into thinking that coffee is the 2nd healthiest liquid you can ingest next to water. And guess what? It is!

  5. megan Says:

    I’ll send you the recipe – it’s very easy. It’s also quite dangerous, because the alcohol taste isn’t as prominent as the coconut, so you’ll be shnookered before you know it.

  6. Says:

    Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular post!
    It’s the little changes that will make the largest changes. Thanks for sharing!

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